Self-doubt plagues us in life. Am I good enough? Am I deserving of what I seek? Am I capable of achieving what I set out to do?
Self-doubt also affects us in our spiritual practice. Am I the Pure Love of True Self? Could it be possible that my nature is the boundless, infinite, eternal? Could I, with all my karma and shortcomings and such be deserving of the awakening to my true nature? Who am I, this small insignificant being, to aspire to be like the Buddha or the Christ or the awakened sages?
Clouds of anger, fears, resentments, grief, judgments, greed, attachments, and more darken our inner landscape. This darkness feeds self-doubt and sustains questions of self-worth.
As a result of this darkness in our inner landscape, life experiences tend to remain ordinary. Living in ordinariness, in turn, produces experiences that drive further self-doubt, creating a vicious cycle that seems to hold us trapped in the drama of life.
In this way, we remain trapped in the “I”, the separate “I”, whose limiting and limited stories are all that ever seem real.
If you’ve had glimpses of the infinite, the eternal, the non-dual Self, you need to trust those experiences more than you do the experiences of the ordinariness of the “I”.
Here is the blanket assurance that the Masters give, and the genuine scriptures of the world offer to us, to deepen our trust:
I am always with all beings;
~ Bhagavad Gita
I abandon no one. And
However great your inner darkness,
You are never separate from me.
Let your thoughts flow past you, calmly;
Keep me near, at every moment;
Trust me with your life, because I
Am you, more than you yourself are.
How beautiful!
However, does this mean that you need to have blind faith? Not really.
Start with having a provisional trust in the authentic pointers of the Masters and scriptures. This stance is an acknowledgment that these pointers could indeed be real. Real pointers always point to Reality, the One without a second, as it is, unchanging.
With such provisional trust in the pointer, an openness is there, in which the direct experience of Reality can blossom.
For that blossoming to unfold, however, you have to follow the pointer to your direct experience.
When the direct experience concurs with the pointer you followed, you can now have firm trust in the pointer, and to the Reality, it points to. At this point, you can drop all doubt regarding the pointer, or the experience of Reality.
In this way, real trust is born. Deep unwavering trust in Reality, your real nature, paves the path to abidance in That.
Love
Sundar.
~~–
* Check out the book, “What is Enlightenment? A Simple Guide.“ It clarifies what Enlightenment is, and what it is not. It also addresses preparatory practices vs direct paths to Enlightenment.
* Available now, “Awaken: An Experiential Exploration of Enlightenment” – this book guides you on the direct path of Self-Inquiry, to the experiential realization of Reality, your true nature.